Dear Dad,
Today was one of the first times since you past away that I have had enough courage to write to you. I miss you so much and can't explain all of the feelings I am feeling right now. It is as if you are away on a painting trip and I am waiting for you to come home. But then it hits me that you aren't coming home. I am having a hard time understanding why. I just don't get it, dad. I wish that you were here to tell me that everything was going to work out and it was going to be OK. But you are up in heaven and I can't see or talk to you. Why does it have to be this way?
I think about you all the time and feel guilty for going on with my life. I wish that I could just sit by the ocean and think about you all day long and have all of my questions figured out. But I can't.
I hope you are OK. I hope you are warm and comfortable and having the time of your life.
It's been the weirdest thing, it seems like I can only connect to you through this blog. I cry and laugh and get mad when I read the post and then I let all of my emotions go and think of how much I love you. This blog is not for any one person to read but more for me to express my feelings for you dad. It's crazy to think that you can read this but I am finding comfort in writing to you.
I see mom almost every day. She misses you so much. Every time she talks about you, she cries. The pain in her heart is overwhelming to watch. And as I sat by your side and felt helpless, I feel the same way today for her. Completely helpless. I can't imagine what she is going through having lost her husband but I know what it feels like to lose my dad. Empty, lost, sad, confused, angry and everything in between.
Mom took the kids for the weekend. She said that she needed to have them. To feel close to someone and not to walk into a empty house, alone. I know that you are there, with her. Maybe she can't see you, but I believe that from the moment I went back to the house after you past away, you had returned to your chair at the dinning room table or the couch where you would watch TV. Mostly I think you sit out on the back patio in your lawn chair watching the trees in the backyard.
I love you so much. I miss you more than you know. I think of you every day. As soon as I can, I will write you again. Maybe just to say hi or maybe to tell you how much you mean to me.
Love,
Jenny
Today was one of the first times since you past away that I have had enough courage to write to you. I miss you so much and can't explain all of the feelings I am feeling right now. It is as if you are away on a painting trip and I am waiting for you to come home. But then it hits me that you aren't coming home. I am having a hard time understanding why. I just don't get it, dad. I wish that you were here to tell me that everything was going to work out and it was going to be OK. But you are up in heaven and I can't see or talk to you. Why does it have to be this way?
I think about you all the time and feel guilty for going on with my life. I wish that I could just sit by the ocean and think about you all day long and have all of my questions figured out. But I can't.
I hope you are OK. I hope you are warm and comfortable and having the time of your life.
It's been the weirdest thing, it seems like I can only connect to you through this blog. I cry and laugh and get mad when I read the post and then I let all of my emotions go and think of how much I love you. This blog is not for any one person to read but more for me to express my feelings for you dad. It's crazy to think that you can read this but I am finding comfort in writing to you.
I see mom almost every day. She misses you so much. Every time she talks about you, she cries. The pain in her heart is overwhelming to watch. And as I sat by your side and felt helpless, I feel the same way today for her. Completely helpless. I can't imagine what she is going through having lost her husband but I know what it feels like to lose my dad. Empty, lost, sad, confused, angry and everything in between.
Mom took the kids for the weekend. She said that she needed to have them. To feel close to someone and not to walk into a empty house, alone. I know that you are there, with her. Maybe she can't see you, but I believe that from the moment I went back to the house after you past away, you had returned to your chair at the dinning room table or the couch where you would watch TV. Mostly I think you sit out on the back patio in your lawn chair watching the trees in the backyard.
I love you so much. I miss you more than you know. I think of you every day. As soon as I can, I will write you again. Maybe just to say hi or maybe to tell you how much you mean to me.
Love,
Jenny
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